Disillusion's Dreamer

by Youell Swinney

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Test Press Records Release 003

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released July 22, 2017

All songs written by David Whitehead

Acoustic guitar, electric guitar, bass, keyboards, vocals: David Whitehead
Acoustic guitar, electric guitar, back up vocals: Justin Vinson
Drums: Jeremy Speakes

Recorded, produced, mixed and mastered by: Jeremy Speakes, Justin Vinson and David Whitehead

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Youell Swinney Arkansas

Begun in 2005 as a side project to a now defunct punk rock band and with a name taken from a dark chapter of Arkansas history, Youell Swinney is a one man band with rotating guest musicians, including Mr. Lew Gelfond on fiddle.

Born out of a love for old time couMntry and 70's Americana, with a dash if prog rock thrown into the mix.
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Track Name: A Drink, A Laugh, A Lie
When you wake up in the mornin'
Do you see yourself at all?
Do you feel the weight of a uselessness
You don't know what to call?
And do you ever cry yourself to sleep?
When you're goin' to work
Headin' the same way every day
Do you notice what you're drivin' by
Do you always feel the same?
And don't it just make you wanna weep?

You laugh to keep from cryin'
Maybe just a little too loud
Hopin' nobody notices just what
The laughin's all about
Don't worry it's always been this way
Everybody's laughin' now
But no one's makin' a sound
Gotta pull 'em all back your way
As you buy them all another round
You know you've gotta drown away that pain

(Chorus)
Oh, is this all there is to you?
A drink, a laugh, a lie
And then it's back to work again?

(Repeat Chorus)
Track Name: Rain on Christmas
It's a late, late night
And there's rain on the road
There's old trucker's smokin'
And my coffee's gettin' cold
The food that I just ate
Feels like a grease ball in my gut
And I wonder if a big tip for her
Would be too obvious

She looks so damn pretty
An angel dressed in white
There's a little strand of hair
That's fallen down around her eye
And I wonder what her name is
As I pay and go on my way
I wonder if she'd have liked me
If I'd had time to stay

(Chorus)
And I'm runnin'
Oh, I'm runnin' so far
From somethin' so far behind me
I can't remember what it was
And I think of what might have been
If I'd been braver then
But I know
That I can't ever go
Back to her

The first Christmas without you
Seemed so damn cold
And it seems so strange
That there's rain and not snow
That's fallin' on my windshield
As I drive through the night
I wanna come back to your love, babe
But I know that ain't right

The world seems so much
Bigger without you here
And when it's cold and dark
You know I yearn to hold you near
But I'm doomed to live alone
Because of what I done
Livin' truck stop to truck stop
And chasin' that fallin' sun

(Repeat Chorus)
Track Name: Then the Devil Walked In
You've gotta lose everything
And baby that's quite a lot
You've gotta get lost in sin
Before you ever find your way to god
For those who really are ready
The grave will go up first
And if you ain't ever been born again
Well babe you're in a world of hurt

Then the devil walked in

You've gotta walk them low down back roads
You've gotta give yourself to pain
You've gotta go to a hundred funerals
Before you're ever gonna be born again
You've gotta roam them swampy wastelands
With nothin' but skeeters as friends
You've gotta drown in a sea of whiskey
Before your journey to grace begins

Then the devil walked in

There ain't no god without the devil
There ain't no light without the dark
You've gotta be able to touch the devil's face
Before god's love will ever work
And you can sing all night to that darkness
About heaven and it's golden streets
But you ain't ever gonna walk on clouds
Till hellfire done burned your feet

Then the devil walked in
Track Name: It's the Doin' That's Always Hard
Sometimes I have no idea who I am
Or what it is I'm supposed to be
Some days I just wanna burn it all down
Everything ever meant anything to me
Seems like everything in life I've ever loved
Has lost it's luster over time
And all the things that ever were fun
Have lost their meaning, lost their shine

Sometimes I feel I can't bare to be alone
I go out searchin' for a friend
Then I slip past the crowds and head home
Sometimes it's easier just to pretend
It's easy enough to say you want somethin'
It's the doin' that's always hard
Ain't gotta feel the stingin' guilt of quitin'
When you never even bothered to start

Sometimes I have no idea what to do
So used to doin' nothin' at all
Both feet planted firm in the ground
Forever wailin' a this wall
I spend my days livin' out a lie
That's not even a lie anymore
Exiled in a prison of plastic and lights
I've forgotten what the lie was even for

Sometimes I have no idea who I am
Or what it is I'm supposed to be...
Track Name: Best Friends for a While
Sometimes at night when I go out walkin'
Through the same old isles of that 24 hour store
And I laugh as I remember the good times I had
With someone that I never see anymore

We'd go out each week, one night or two
And we'd blow all our money on overpriced food
Laughin' and talkin' and drivin' around
And we'd always find somethin' when there was nothin' to do

(Chorus)
And yes, it's true that I miss you
But I guess I can say with a smile
That no matter how it ended
We were best friends for a while

Sometimes I drive out through these hazy old mountains
And I wish I wasn't always drivin' alone
I think of what could have been, what never was
And I feel sad to know that what we had is gone

And when this old apartment is finally empty
And I've packed up my things and moved far away
Maybe it won't be so hard to remember
That we had a good time every single day

(Chorus)
Track Name: Together (Both me and You)
Sometimes I like to think that we're married
Livin' in a lived in home
Our kids have grown up and they've moved out
And they've got kids of their own
Sometimes we laugh and sometimes we fight
But we always go to bed in love
Even though we've been married for thirty odd years
We still can't get enough

Sometimes I like to think we're divorced
And the child support is eatin' me alive
Workin' three jobs, tryin' to find a fourth
Just so I can try and get by
You took the kids and you took the house
And I'm livin' in my car
Sleepin' in the Wal-Mart parkin' lot
Wonderin' how'd I let it get this far

Then I remember that we never met
I just saw you walkin' by one day
I don't even know what kind of music you like
Hell, I don't even know your name
We coulda been happy, we coulda been miserable
But we'da been somethin' that's true
We'da left our mark on this ol' world
Together both me and you
Track Name: So Close and Dear
I've met a lot of people through the years
That I have called my friends
Some come, some go
Some never come back again
Some help you up when you're low
Some lie, some cheat, some steal
And in the end, what's left
Is all that was ever real

(Chorus)
Old bonds are like tempered steel
They're strong, but turn to rust
And those that make you burn with love
Will leave your heart as dead as dust
Then ringin' funeral bells
Are all that draw you near
To those you hold
So close and dear

Spaces open up between friends
And they grow and grow and grow
And soon that growin' space
Is the only thing you know
The world was made to turn and that's all
And that's all it'll ever do
And those spaces still grow
Till they're all that's left of you

(Chorus)

I've met a lot of people through the years
That I have called my friends
Some come, some go
Some never come back again...
Track Name: Arkansas
Well I made my home in Carolina
Among these old mountains green
But my heart and my soul will always linger
Where the cotton grows and the muddy rivers gleam

(Chorus)
Take me home
Where I belong
When it comes
Time for me to go
Lay me down
In that fertile ground
Where the hot summer wind
Forever blows

At night I dream of catfish swimmin'
And pecans lyin' amongst dead leaves
Oh and I can hear the mockingbird a callin'
And the honeysuckle's heavy on the breeze

(Chorus)

In all the years it's been since I came out here
I don't regret the movin', not at all
But the sound of thunder never fails to move me
To heed that ever achin' homeward call

(Chorus)